It has taken me almost 10 days (since my 18th Birthday) to write down few of life’s journeys I have experienced on my way to becoming an officially recognised adult. I will have to start with the path I have taken in respect to the hugely unpopular word love.
I was born with what would probably be termed a silver coated spoon. I had been drawn into the fiasco of existence at a time when my existence had been so eagerly awaited.
I was drawn between two parents who both didn’t want to pamper me as an only child but also wanted to give me the best life could offer. Thing is; one parent was lazy while the other was extremely hardworking. Both were prepared to give me the best but only one was prepared to go the extra mile while laziness couldn’t allow the other.
And that was how the very first idea of love came into my subconscious based on the scenes I had witnessed with my both parents.
The gory experiences of my childhood afforded me no opportunity to allow frivolities creep into my activities, I always wanted results for my actions and I always placed a huge sense of responsibilities on myself.
I was always an example; every parent wanted their children to be like me. Intelligent, plumpy (mainly due to the turkey & 50cl Pepsi I regularly gulped), respectful; I attained all these attributes before I clocked age 4. As at age 5, I was already trying to recite the chapter 6 of Ephesians. My parents loved the way I turned out to be, of course! It is the joy of every parent to see their offspring behave well.
Everyone in my neighbourhood loved me. Even the hostile streets of Lagos paid homage to me!
My religious background had brought me close to God; my relationship with him has kept me closer to him.
I have lived with the notion that despite the fact that I yearned for someone to emotionally get involved with; people were not to be trusted. Having a female friend was a sin; I erroneously presumed but I still yearned for It. I wanted someone that’d be the sister I never had! I yearned, even lusted sometimes but the Holy Spirit kept restraining me. My being in an enlightened school like Federal Government College Enugu gave me an opportunity to stand on my beliefs. I stood on Christ but not firmly. I was like a Sprite drink mixed with water – from afar It still looks pure. Thank God for his undying love; He kept me, saw me through all my struggles to know Him more.
God gave me my third experience with love. From him; I began to shape my mind into what an ideal love scene should be.
I came across some wonderful & unique set of people; my life’s story can never be complete without talking about them. God bless that young man whose persistence paid off when I finally followed him to FECA Enugu. They started a new chapter in my life; I had to wipe out a few things at first in order to flow with them. They added real value to my life; their patterns glided with those I had since given up hope on!
They introduced me to another kinda love that would entail AFFECTION . I had been too spiritual to even give a hoot about the next person’s emotions.
Then came social networks; an opportunity to interact with people my secluded life didn’t afford me the chance to. FECA had already thought me affection, FECA already taught me to listen to people’s needs first. And so I listened to people tell me their story online. It was easy for them to pour out their hearts to someone they couldn’t see. I listened to a wide range of people but one of them stood out. Her name was. Alpha (not real names), from my discussions, I had discovered that beneath the smiles that clouded people’s faces were packs of problems – problems looking for someone to hear them out – I developed an interest for Alpha not knowing she had since developed one for me. All I wanted was her well being; I was able to make her stop some of the nasty things she did, how? Even when I didn’t get to meet her in person. I did it by instilling trust. She would cry on the phone for long telling me about the gory things she had done that day; she felt so secured with me. We loved each other; and there was never a mention of sex or relationship. It was one of those kinda love a guy would develop towards his kid sister.
With Alpha, I learnt TRUST.
I had barely been on BBM for one week when my “caring” attitude brought me to Beta (not real names). Ab initio, it was evident the kinda relationship she wanted; I already knew she was gonna be a distraction. She said I was always ready to pay attention and do the listening. I wasn’t ready for what she wanted; I delayed cutting it off because of her incessant cries of how she loved me. It was during this period that I discovered my own love language which was EXPRESSION. She didn’t express her “love” fully, I wasn’t impressed as she really didn’t get to me but she kept pushing on. My prolonged periods of silence didn’t even deter her. I learnt passion from her.
Beta taught me PASSION.
I cried, Lord please forgive me. I will never do this again; many times I have wronged my master and he has always forgiven me. He has never judged me based on my wrongdoings. He says it’s because He loves me. Hmmm, this kinda love must be divine, you can imagine; He even gave me His own spirit to make sure I don’t fall again. All these He did because He loved me, all these He also did because he Loves me and He says He’ll love me till the end. The Holy Spirit has been an ever present in my life; he hasn’t been found missing even when I derail. I spend most of my time alone – with Him. He has epitomised love. Now I clearly understand what I saw many years ago – God is love. His Spirit is love. Jesus is love.
All these experiences have turned me into the perfect love giver and have shaped my love life. I’m slowly becoming what God wants me to be all because the essential element – love – isn’t missing BUT there was a lacuna.