She didn’t break my heart; I did!

DISCLAIMER

This piece is wholly fictional. Just one I played out with myself as the villain. None of these happened, I just loved the concept of having one’s heart broken by one’s self and decided to turn it into a prose. You know most times we are really in love with someone and we waste time letting the person know how we feel about them, this story was constructed in a way that ensures it relates with everyone. Don’t waste time, love is a beautiful thing, when done the right way. Read and don’t enjoy.

 

***

Ok, I ran to my laptop almost immediately. My heart was about to tear into shreds. I hope by the time I would have finished writing this, I would have gotten myself together.

FLASH BACK

I’ve been in love with some girl for over two years now. The first time I saw her, I liked her and I walked up to her, collected her number without making my intentions known (because I really didn’t know what the said intentions were at that point). Somewhere along the line, we became platonic (zoned maybe) friends without any single thing (not even a pin) attached. Then she had to leave to another state because of school. I didn’t see her again…until she had to leave that school and come join my school (her father is a professor in my school so I guess it was logical to switch over). Then we crossed paths again, there was the momentary exchange of pleasantries, I think we saw one more time this time she was in the company of a friend then I saw her again one afternoon. I walked her home, we passed her house and we kept talking…it took a whole lot of nerves to keep my emotions in check. But thankfully, I did. She started recanting her experiences during her one year away, and she mentioned having a boyfriend (my emotions unchecked itself) then breaking up with him (emotions checked) and staying on her own. At that point, I really didn’t harbour any intentions of dating her (she was more than a calendar to me) so we just kept being friends, we kept seeing and kept talking and my conviction was strengthened. As the days passed by, I was convinced she was the one, as the weeks passed by my heart kept longing for her, it was becoming strong. I still didn’t want to date her but I hadn’t told her how I felt about her. She had given me a clue the other day about how she was happy I was in her life (albeit as a friend, call it the friendzone although she didn’t mention the “friend” part *insert sad face smiley*) but I hadn’t told her what I felt. The reason was because, one, I felt it could lead us into a relationship and I didn’t think I had the time a relationship would require, two, I wasn’t sure of what the effect of that would look like. So I decided to just keep being friends with her and see what the climax would look like. That was the plan until I came across a different school of thought that said it was wrong to like a girl and not let her know. So I set out to let her know how I felt, now take note, I’m a “ladies’ man” (not that Bradley Cooper kinda) just the normal man aligned to the ladies so I don’t have a problem talking to ladies. There’s no lady in this world that I can’t walk up to (now that’s a bold statement) so I was surprised to find out that I was grappling with nerves. Why was I so nervous at the thought that I was about to make my (honest) feelings known. Ok, I was able to finally sort out the nerves; no big deal.

PRESENT

I called her, the intent was just to have a pure conversation and I was shocked. First, she stuttered while she picked the call, like she was engrossed in something, secondly, I heard a guy’s voice in the background, how could this be? She just told me she was in her room, ain’t no way a guy gonna come in there! Just as the call was about to end, I think she got tickled and I heard the guy’s voice again. I ended the call, dejected, heartbroken and forlorn.

I had just experienced a heartbreak from someone who doesn’t even know she’s broken someone’s heart. Why did I waste time? What makes this so painful is that, she must have felt I wasn’t ready ad I didn’t respond to any of the signals she sent.

I had just experienced a heartbreak…one inflicted by me upon me and no other. Pitiable.

I just pray these things are only playing out in my head and not real, I’m seriously praying the guy’s voice came from a TV set, or that it was a girl having a thick voice. Because it would mean, she also lied to me and that would make me wipe away that angelic soul I had always seen behind her smile and then I would have to start all over again. I don’t want to.

Lord, I really love this girl and you know I do, you also know she would say yes, if I ask her out meaning you have opened the door. I’m not ready to lose her, not now, not in the near future. Heal my broken heart.

 

Stay True!

 

Miracle Roch.

Follow me on Twitter @Mr_GudMan

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