There was something suspicious in the way this year started…on the 1st of January my laptop crashed, I lost all my files, every digital file I had accrued over the last five years all gone with no backup. I was philosophical about it and figured this was going to be a year of new beginnings…how wrong I was. Or maybe not. The crash wasn’t enough, just 20 days into the year, my phone crashed too (like literally). I tried to start all over again with my laptop, got some new files and tried to recover some old ones, the laptop now decided to die (like literally too).
So here’s the first month of a new year coming to an end and there’s no phone or laptop for me, cruel, worse than Kissinger bombing the middle East, for a geek like me, that was hell. As always, I was bullish about it. I made no over-the-moon efforts to replace these items, I just took each day as it came.
And there’s February the month of love, I’m having a big laugh right now. By the time the fourteenth came around, I had succeeded in shutting almost everyone out of my life. I had looked for respite in solitude and whatnots. It did give me some measure of satisfaction, but ah, you need not meet me then. I hated the world. I had very weird sadistic views about everyone, I pushed everyone away. Why? I was looking for something tangible, something I could count on. I was feeling jinxed. I had no emotions (or I didn’t show them). It was horrible what I had to live through on the inside, I was so alienated even from my inner being. I could literally feel the Holy Spirit being left out.
One thing I’d have to admit though; I was just too lucky. At each point, just before I reached breaking point, someone always came around, someone or something that made me appreciate life better. I’m going through my diary as I write this and I can feel the jitters, I had no idea, I would end this year on such a high as now. Back then I would get frustrated at every damn thing, I had let some background things get to me, I was losing my cool. But then, therein lies one of the greatest miracles of my year; I always had wonderful people for each time, even when I did not deserve them. My favorite catchphrase has become “…but did you die”, there were moments when I really thought I would die. But here I am; chilling.
One thing I realised at my lowest ebb; I didn’t look for strength outside. I searched deep within for strength, I consolidated on my strengths and offered a fight at least. I didn’t go out with a whimper, I was always looking for things to serve as a respite.
The turning point came in May, I had lodged an application at my manufacturer’s office. I told God I was tired of looking into my insides for solutions (by this time I had read 3 or 4 Malcolm Gladwell books), I prayed to God. And God had mercy on my, he gave my my joy back, a new lease of life, so the second part of my year started; in May! I understood the real meaning of worship this year, I didn’t really do much verbal praying this year, all I did was savour God’s magnificent presence, and get soaked in. I realised all my troubles vanished as I went on. I understood the importance of the right company this year too, some company took me to the highest heavens, some to the lowest ends. I was easily charged by induction.
By this point, I was already letting people in again, some of the friends I put away at the beginning came back, I accepted them. Life made more sense now.
And then, I graduated from school in August!!! Being a graduate is a different ball game altogether, a whole new set of responsibilities.
By September, I had gone nine months without a phone, ask me how I did survive again? Well, I finally got a phone, and it did come with some excitement.
I did so many things for the first time this year, explored so many grey areas, adopting a new mantra in the process; “if you don’t do, you won’t know”.
I overcame my troubles this year, the moment I handed them over to God.
I’m ending this year in a way I wouldn’t have predicted, new environment, new opportunities, and so, even if my troubles persist, I’ve learnt to bank of the eupohria of God’s love.
It’s been a year where I deserved none of the good things God brought my way, but I got them nevertheless.
Graced and Backed.