So here goes nothing. I’m not a writer, don’t have a thing for writing or anything of the sort although I read lots of blog posts and write ups. One of my favorite writers being the owner of this blog even if I don’t totally agree with all his views, I must admit his work is beautiful…
Over to what I really want to talk about… it’s something I’m not actually sure majority suffer from firstly, because the condition makes you feel you are the only one going through that kind of pain and then I haven’t actually done any polls or research on how many people suffer from it in this part of the world. I’m not a doctor but I’d call it ‘common depression’. Common in the sense that I do not know any other complex forms of it, common because it’s the same way I feel for whatever the cause of my depression may be, irrelevant or relevant… torn, angry, worthless, low, alone, etc.. I’m not an expert psychologist so I won’t know facts about this depression of a thing but I know I have felt depressed one too many times… apart from depression I’m sure normal people (I don’t think I’m one..lol) feel the different symptoms above on few occasions in addition to the feeling of frustration and disappointment(with ones self)..
When one is depressed, the usual feeling could lead to suicidal thoughts or even to suicide itself… Now, do I want to die? No of course not, life is beautiful, bitter, sweet, difficult, etc. I know this but in that moment of depression I do not see any of that, I think of all the seemingly wrong decisions I have made in my life and try to punish myself for them(yes I like to play judge and jury for myself), I do not even want to believe the sun will come out the next morning and there will be day, I do not believe we can actually get lasting solutions to the problems we face… mostly because I know if I seek for help or talk to someone whatever they tell me only sounds like they are judging me plus I really don’t like talking about my problems (even if I do eventually and it helps), I really don’t like confronting the people who said the things I didn’t like, I really don’t believe anyone gives a damn about how I feel, I feel they just want me to stop openly being dramatic and take down my status, is it because they have their lives under control? Maybe they do and I envy them a whole lot but that’s their business anyway.
Well one of my recent episodes was as bad as usual, I couldn’t even sleep, and trust me what caused it is very silly… if I tell you what made me feel better you guys would say we Nigerians are over religious about everything.. but the truth is that going to church made me feel better, like I probably won’t be depressed ever again (lol.. I don’t know about that). There was something about singing praises and dancing and singing hymns, YES HYMNS. You should go through some of their lyrics, they are so meaningful and comforting. I felt so much better like I had a lasting solution for even more problems to come… well and also one of Mark Manson’s write ups I saw on my friend’s status -http://markmanson.net/question..
All I am saying is, if u ever get depressed, please don’t drink and smoke, tell yourself to calm down first and think of things you love, talk to people, do something productive, read, it helps, see a psychologist if u would, go to the gym or work out at home, just don’t be like me and make a huge fuss about it. Can you guys imagine that the so called depression nearly ruined my coming birthday I was feeling so happy about. But duh.. it will still be wonderful whether anything happens that day or not.. *winks*.. Thank you and have a lovely life ahead…
Special love to any one who has gone through, or is going through terrible phases of depression..