The Fight For My Life

When Fabrice Muamba, a footballer, slumped in the middle of the pitch during a football match, his Bolton teammates feared the worst. They had seen medics attend to him on the football pitch. Many people believed Muamba wasn’t going to make it after his heart attack, even the medics present talked about how difficult his condition was, they said he had to fight for his life. Muamba lived because he fought so hard not to give up – even when his heart had given up on him.

When medics say people “fought” for their lives, they mean it literally. People who fight must find the strength to breath over and over again; they have to suck it in for as long as they can and hold on to life. As I turn another year on earth, it is fitting that I look back at my life and ask if I have fought dearly for the very breath I exhale today, fitting to look at the fights or non-events that had occurred because of my aversion to fighting. Have I fought for my life?

Looking back at situations that would have required me fighting dearly for my life, the situations that kept me on the edge between mortality and beyond, what was my instinctive reaction? When faced with daunting challenges that require resilience and grit, do I throw in the towel or do I keep fighting – like Fabrice did in the face of death?

One time I was air-bound and was suffering from Ear Barotrauma, it was so severe and intense that a full bottle of water and multiple sweets and swallowing later couldn’t stop it. I’d tried the Vulvasa Maneuver yet it wouldn’t stop. At some point, I stopped hearing totally and the flight attendants were worried. When it became so intense, I stopped trying to fightback. I basically sat back on my seat and imagined what the worst would be? Going deaf? People have done that and lived. I will survive. What about dying? Oh well, if now is the time, so be it. I literally gave up fighting. I stopped trying to do anything to solve my problem. I just let fate decide (more on this later) what my end would be. By thinking about the worst-case scenario, I was preparing myself for the end so whatever it was wasn’t going to take me by storm.

I strongly detest anything that threatens the balance of my inner peace. I’d rather give in than let whatever it is distort my equilibrium. I have lost count of the human relationships, opportunities and possessions I’ve lost because I wasn’t willing to fight, because once that relationship threatened to distort my inner peace, my instinctive reaction was to run. If I was ready to give up my own life to preserve my inner peace, nothing else was worth it. I always let fate decide what the outcome of my dealings would be. I always try not to influence these outcomes by anything peculiar to me.

It is against this backdrop that I remain ever grateful to the powers that be, albeit unforeseen, who have tried so hard despite my negligence to preserve my Being. I look back at my disposition about life and it’s not so hard to see where it all began.

Tales abound of how as a fetus I gave problems all through pregnancy. Looking back, it sure feels like something did not want me on this earth. Perhaps I was the last Airbender or the Seeker. Whatever it was, something must have wanted me not to make an entrance and in keeping with my style, I obliged. I made no efforts to come out of the womb when it was time, I had stayed in there for eleven months going to twelve months and yet no sign of movement. It looked like I was happy to just stay in there rather than distort my inner equilibrium. Even when I came out, it was not out of my own volition, I was forced out and was heading to the floor until a nurse clad in white held me with her gown. As usual, an “Angel” had appeared to save the day.

The events surrounding my birth has been mirrored in all the major events that have surrounded me. As I approach a new year, my most successful year yet, it’s so clear that no matter what I do – and I say this strongly, because the life I live now, I do not deserve – the powers that be appear to always back me, it appears they have me destined towards the very best things in life, even I can’t stop that journey.

Muamba is alive because he fought, according to the medics at least (Muamba himself alludes his survival to God). I am alive despite having given up my fights, because the powers that be keep fighting for me unconditionally.

Happy Birthday Ihemrochi, as you live another gracefully given year, may the powers that be keep fighting for you even against your own will.

Stay True!

 

2017 Review: Flourish and Grow

2017: Flourish and Grow. I Did Both.

When I got into 2017, God told me this was going to be a year of flourishing like the palm tree and growing like the Cedars of Lebanon. I heard him clearly and was so convinced that this year was going to be a great year for me.

I’m here to tell you that God told no lies. I flourished this year in all aspects. Had more than I’ve ever had before this year, really grew in all aspects. I surpassed all my 2016 achievements and milestones twice. Everything was really double double. As I reflect on the coming year, it time for my customary year review and I’m really filled with gratitude.

I’m trying to pick out the negatives from this year and there’s really none. I can’t pick any, except the fact that I still didn’t get serious with the gym yet again.

One thing I did notice well though was how God was always getting me out of difficult situations and taking the distractions out of my life. It sure looked like something was hell bent on making sure I didn’t go into the new year with some people and some things. I didn’t even have to do anything, all those things left my life just the same way they came.

And it really made sense. I’d talk about how the two things God told me at the beginning of the year played out – Flourishing like the Palm Tree and Growing like the Cedars of Lebanon. Before I continue, let me also remind you that God is very serious when it comes to times. The Sons of Issachar understood the times, little wonder they were left in charge of strategy for the Israelites. You can’t be strategic if you don’t understand the times in which God is playing over your life. God doesn’t joke with seasons and time, as you enter a new year, I can bet you that God is speaking, you got to listen.

Flourishing like the Palm Tree

The Palm Tree is a beautiful tree in its stride especially with those lush green leaves. The palm tree is a strong tree with root deeply rooted to the ground. You can’t just uproot a palm tree like that. The palm tree is known to be a harbinger of productivity, there are countless products that can be gotten from the palm tree and they are all economically viable. Palm Oil, Rafter sheets, Palm Kernel, Feed, Wood, etc. So when I think of the palm tree, I think productivity. This year has really been a productive year for me, I grew and got more for little. I also multiplied the works of my hands. I made more this year than the previous two years put together. I was not stressed this year at all, that’s one trait about flourishing, its naturally and easy going, like I can’t believe this year is ending already. It was so smooth all through, there was no hiccup. God came through before I appeared on many scenes.

Growing like the Cedars of Lebanon

The Cedars of Lebanon are known to be stout expansive strong trees, more like the Acacia. One of the attributes of the Cedar tree – particularly those found in the nigh regions of Lebanon – is the diameter of the tree. It can get really wide as it grows. So once I think of the Cedar, I think of growth, expansion, enlarged capabilities, but there’s also a downside with growth and expansion; things get demolished and knocked down. As I grew, I realised people who weren’t playing a role to my growth, people who were going to slow me down or hold me back were being knocked out of my picture, and like I mentioned earlier, I happened without my knowledge. I remember times this year when I got uncomfortable with things and I tried to fight that feeling, I didn’t know it was my being reacting to the expansion going on within. Some of the things I couldn’t do before, I was doing. I became more magnanimous. This year I crossed a lot of things off my bucket list, so many things I hadn’t done before or couldn’t do, God brought them my way. God gave me those things on a platter. Cedars don’t care about obstacles when they grow, they just grow. I really grew like those Lebanon trees.

I can’t wait for 2018. Like the year hasn’t even ended and God has already started working. He’s been dropping pointers, and all I can see is greatness. Thing is, I was not even deserving of all the things that came my way this year, like no way. But God showed that he really does show mercy and compassion on whomever he chooses. He has chosen me again for 2018, how can I not be happy?

Thank you for sharing the year with me, I hope you had a great year like me too. Looking forward to the new year with great optimism.

Stay True!

Miracle Roch.

Birthday Post: I ran fast

 

It’s my birthday in a couple of days and I’m really grateful and surprised at the same time. The fact that I’m currently a thousand miles away from home and tucked in a hotel on official assignment means I may not throw the party I intend to throw on that day, but you can bet I’d find a way to celebrate. I’m so excited about my birthday that you would think I won a lottery, but no, I won something bigger, I won at Life. I won guys, I won. I won at happiness, I won at love, I won, and that’s all the accolade I need, the fact that deep down on my insides, devoid of materialistic attachments, I am at my best – happy and free.

I took time to look through my life, at some point, I thought it was luck. I had to run through the major events in my life and how I’ve become the man that I am now. I’ve always been different, I look back at my upbringing and I marvel at some of the maverick things I used to do then. It’s not rocket science that those very things have shaped me into this proud man that I have become.

How did I become such a strong character, like, everything around me suggests that I shouldn’t be this independent tough lad who’s taking the world one stage at a time, but here I am, taking the world, one step at a time. This birthday is not a day for sober reflection, I’m done with that, there is nothing to be sober about.

I think my life is on track and it’s something I remain grateful to God for, like I’ve got my shit together, life is going at a good pace for me, I’m in that position where I honestly and strongly believe that with a little effort, I can be all that I ever want to be, no holds barred.

It’s been a year of freedom, boy, I did try so many things for the first time this year. I tried so many things and I’m proud I tried them, crossed so many things off my checklist of “firsts”. Every year, I keep surprising myself, I keep learning more, getting more and typically living more.

Every year has something it brings with it for me, this year has brought everything and I am most grateful to God. The Lord that keeps on giving even when I am least deserving. One of the things that gives me great joy is knowing I am in Christ.

Last year, I made the decision to not kill myself over the “small” things and just move with the flow, it looks like that decision has paid off as I am saner than I have ever been, the whole world could literally be falling like a pack of cards behind me and I am not bothered. That’s the kind of life I live now.

When I think of regrets, I think back to my early teenage years, I look at my receding hairline now and I get nostalgic about those early years when I spent too much energy trying to make my hair look like Nelly’s, all that time spent carving my hairline, buying Sporting Waves and doing all sorts didn’t seem to pay off, the texture of my hair is still as stubborn as ever, but that’s about all the regret I have.

Most of the things I wanted going into this year, I got. The only regret is that I got them all by myself, as I grow older, the realization sets in that I am ready to become a father, how do I know this? No one gives me anything for free anymore, I literally pay for everything in my life right now, thankfully God keeps providing. It’s a tough life, this paid life, at least somethings should come freely, don’t you think so too? I’m not complaining though, so long as God keeps protecting me.

I have gotten bolder, the few fears I had before I got into this year have all been banished, I took the bull by the horn, I went through the valleys, specifically looking for the Valley of the Shadow of Death; usually the steepest, and God still pulled me through triumphant, we’re good like that!

I’m heading into this new year feeling alright, I still dance around naked in my house, I still laugh at funny videos on Instagram, I do anything it is that keeps me happy, I still love food. Most importantly, I’m heading into this new year with the right people, the right support system and the right environment.

If I don’t stop myself, I could keep typing on and on. My guess is that you can feel my energy, enthusiasm and vigour through these words, that’s how happy I am. No more, no less. Happiness, not dependent on anybody, happiness totally owned and controlled by me. Forget all those things about peers and mates, no one is my mate, I learnt that a long time ago and it has helped me greatly, growing at my own pace, walking in my own lane, nothing can possibly go wrong with that yeah? Twenty-three sure can’t wait to have me. Damn, I’m really getting old. Finally changed the wineskin.

Stay True!

Miracle Roch

My Deep Blue Sea

Things I’m thankful for.

Alright, a little background. I don’t care about anything in this world.

I receive a supposedly frightening message from home that should send into panic mode, instead of run around and make some calls, I simply plug in my earpiece and jam to a Michael Buble song.

I’m given a task to perform with a stringent deadline at work, failure to do this can actually cost me a whole lot at work, but rather than get at it, I’m on Youtube, watching funny comedy videos of Akpororo, and my deadline ticks.

I receive a pulsating message from my crush, she’s gushing about how she likes me and all that stuff, I’m supposed to be excited yeah? But there’s no rush of adrenalin, I don’t even bother replying the message. I simply switch my screen back to my Poweramp music player.

I go through really cool stuff on Instagram, beautiful pictures and all that, I double tap on a few and immediately switch to the “explore” tab to search for KlintonCod, the funny Instagram bloke. I laugh my ass off watching his short clips, and exit.

So there’s a job offer knocking on my door, the dream job everyone wants, and instead of giving them a swift reply, I wave it off and not bother. Because I don’t really get all that excitement. I go back to my diary.

My phone falls to the ground, alas! My screen is shattered, fake uproars of pity around me, deeply, I wonder why they cry more than the bereaved. I pick up my phone, and continue my journey like nothing happened. Seriously, it doesn’t even bother me one bit.

I stay nine months without a smart phone, and they are wondering why? Considering I’ve got the money to buy a new one, I look at them and ask why I can’t use my Nokia Torch in peace.

I kneel down to pray, I try to conjure up a need, something I want, I can’t think of anything, an iPhone, I want
it, but I don’t care neither, so I just give thanks to God for borrowing me Oxygen daily, and jump back on my bed.

I try to upgrade to Android’s Marshmallow 6.0, it goes pretty well except, all my files are gone, my pictures, songs, documents, manuscripts. I try to feign desperation, it’s just not there. I move on, I will still take more pictures and re-download some songs. Nothing’s gone wrong.

I get a random email or message, an admirer telling me my blog is so cool, I should promote it regularly and all that stuff, I take a pause, I see all the stress that would require, I remind myself, I’m in no competition with anybody. I take a chill pill, and let it slide. A good work markets itself, if I’m really that good, no worries.

So I pack my bags one day and leave the house, I’m on a journey, I tell my peers. But I didn’t tell them, I wasn’t sure of my destination. But I leave, nevertheless. I don’t care if I get kidnapped or whatever, it’s none of my business to worry about that stuff.

They say I’m heartless, but how do I explain to them, that love isn’t my business right now? Oh! It’s so much stress explaining so I just keep quiet and soak in the rebuke. With hearts trailing by the roadside. Giacomo Casanova, they call me. Celibate Da Vinci, I call myself. Both Italians.

Background over. Enough of the antagonisms. I figure out, God deserves a worthy mention. I think up events I’m really thankful for…

For all the times I wake up late, and hurriedly dash to the bus stop, I’m thankful for always catching a car to work, against all odds (time, crowd of people waiting at the bus stop, my reluctance to struggle for a ride).

For all the times the conductor has threatened to rain down fire and brimstone if passengers don’t pay their exact fare (no change o, they would always yell), I’m thankful for always having change.

For all the time I mistakenly delete an important file, I’m thankful for Piriform, the company that created Recuva, the recovery app I always use to recover my files.

For that day I was busy checking my phone while driving on the highway, I’m thankful for not hitting the little girl that stood at the middle of the road, how I escaped her, I surely don’t know, must be God working.

For all the numerous times I’ve been careless on the steering, not looking at my side mirror before taking a turn, narrowly missing out on hitting maneuvering Okada men, I’m thankful.

For all the times when my problems get solved, despite me not giving a care about them, I’m thankful. I don’t know, I probably have a forerunner.

For the few wonderful people in my life, who still stay despite how shitty I treat them, I’m thankful. What would I do without you all? A lot actually.

For the many wonderful people who’ve left my life too, because they couldn’t stand my shittiness, I’m thankful. This space doesn’t need to be crowded.

However shitty I am, I still keep moving, you know why? It’s because I…

Stay True!

Miracle Roch.