Unleashed – A Birthday Panegyric

I haven’t had the chance to reflect on my birthday in depth. It’s been a whirlwind period for me filled with only highs and no lows and I couldn’t be happier. This is the first time in three years that I’d be away from anything work related for this long. Staying away from work, and not having to worry about something or someone that needs to be saved or need my help has allowed me time to think about myself and the evolution I have undergone. I couldn’t stay this long without writing so I’ve written this panegyric of myself in one take. Of course, like all other panegyrics, it could appear like I’m being too full of myself, depending on the lens you read this from, and then maybe appear like I’m being too hard on myself. But it doesn’t matter, enjoy this one take piece, forgive the errors as I’m still on vacation and not functioning at optimal capacity also seeing as I’ll definitely follow this up with a part two when I’m back in my stride.

Few months ago, I wrote an an article about how people shouldn’t cry for me when I die because I may not necessarily come across as being nice, so many people reached out to me to counter that statement. They kept reiterating the things I’d done for them and how I was literally the nicest person out there, and while it felt nice to hear all these things, they just don’t get it because that’s not how I’d define niceness. The things I define as niceness is what the world frowns on sometimes, like getting into random DMs and offering to have lunch and coffee with a total stranger because somehow I know that’s the little break they need from their life (did I hear you scream “how will you, a stranger, know what they need best”?). Or is it the people who always tell me they envy my life, how unbothered and unfazed I am and how I’m always happy (this is true) without stress (this is not).

I live a very honest life, I mean if this were during the heydays of online dating where you had to pretend to be composed during the first date with your online match, I’d probably fail all the time because I wouldn’t wait until the second date to crack my chicken bone in your presence, nor would I wait for the third date before I ask the waiter if I could have some more sweet and sour sauce. I’d do all those things on the first date because by the 17th date, I’d still be doing them unabashed and unashamed. This way, I’m under no pressure at all to pretend to be who I’m not to impress you by changing who I am. When people ask me what my secret to always being happy is, this really is it! I always tell them this is it — my originality no matter how awkward it is, I always own what’s mine unashamed! It looks so banal that it is almost unbelievable, but I wish I had a deeper answer.

By focusing on my present and living my life to the fullest, I’m leaving no stones unturned for the future. Sometimes, this comes out a bit too much for people, I’m always two seconds ahead (which may seem impatient and forward), a mitochondrion always looking for the next available person beside me to transfer that happiness to. Like that one time when I was on vacation on New Year, and I was wishing random strangers on the street a happy new year, or the other time I walked into a lounge and just started introducing myself to everyone I saw there. So much energy, so much joy, so much magnanimity that I’m always looking for who to share it with and it gets even difficult because my career as a Strategy Consultant also puts me in this same mode seeing as I’m always advising or putting together some strategy for others (hence no distinction between my life and work). One of the things I plan to do is to try so hard to create this distinction because sometimes humans don’t need help, they just want to be sinking and that is totally fine. I’m still trying to come to terms with this reality, because then you stop overthinking and stop trying to offer help “which may seem intrusive especially when not asked for”. Speaking of things people potentially intrusive; my excitement and energy! I’m always in my constant cloud nine state that I wonder how people cope with me. I’m sure they find that intrusive most times but don’t want to tell me because then again, they know the world needs more happiness than nought.

I also plan to take a full one year off work soon and just learn to live without trying to help save the world or help the next door neighbour, and believe that the world will be fine without me. Oh! I am also not perfect, I do think I have lots of flaws especially around controlling my energy and excitement levels. The battle I always have with this is that dichotomy between honesty and control. Do I just be fully honest about who I am unleashing all my elements or do I control the release? The battle being that sometimes, I tell myself that controlling them would be dishonest as it doesn’t show the true extent of my pizzazz. While I keep pondering over that, I know that whatever flaws I may have, will eventually sort itself out because if I remain honest about them and always listen to feedback, the help/improvement I need will eventually come.

Stay True!

Miracle Roch.

Birthday Post: I ran fast

 

It’s my birthday in a couple of days and I’m really grateful and surprised at the same time. The fact that I’m currently a thousand miles away from home and tucked in a hotel on official assignment means I may not throw the party I intend to throw on that day, but you can bet I’d find a way to celebrate. I’m so excited about my birthday that you would think I won a lottery, but no, I won something bigger, I won at Life. I won guys, I won. I won at happiness, I won at love, I won, and that’s all the accolade I need, the fact that deep down on my insides, devoid of materialistic attachments, I am at my best – happy and free.

I took time to look through my life, at some point, I thought it was luck. I had to run through the major events in my life and how I’ve become the man that I am now. I’ve always been different, I look back at my upbringing and I marvel at some of the maverick things I used to do then. It’s not rocket science that those very things have shaped me into this proud man that I have become.

How did I become such a strong character, like, everything around me suggests that I shouldn’t be this independent tough lad who’s taking the world one stage at a time, but here I am, taking the world, one step at a time. This birthday is not a day for sober reflection, I’m done with that, there is nothing to be sober about.

I think my life is on track and it’s something I remain grateful to God for, like I’ve got my shit together, life is going at a good pace for me, I’m in that position where I honestly and strongly believe that with a little effort, I can be all that I ever want to be, no holds barred.

It’s been a year of freedom, boy, I did try so many things for the first time this year. I tried so many things and I’m proud I tried them, crossed so many things off my checklist of “firsts”. Every year, I keep surprising myself, I keep learning more, getting more and typically living more.

Every year has something it brings with it for me, this year has brought everything and I am most grateful to God. The Lord that keeps on giving even when I am least deserving. One of the things that gives me great joy is knowing I am in Christ.

Last year, I made the decision to not kill myself over the “small” things and just move with the flow, it looks like that decision has paid off as I am saner than I have ever been, the whole world could literally be falling like a pack of cards behind me and I am not bothered. That’s the kind of life I live now.

When I think of regrets, I think back to my early teenage years, I look at my receding hairline now and I get nostalgic about those early years when I spent too much energy trying to make my hair look like Nelly’s, all that time spent carving my hairline, buying Sporting Waves and doing all sorts didn’t seem to pay off, the texture of my hair is still as stubborn as ever, but that’s about all the regret I have.

Most of the things I wanted going into this year, I got. The only regret is that I got them all by myself, as I grow older, the realization sets in that I am ready to become a father, how do I know this? No one gives me anything for free anymore, I literally pay for everything in my life right now, thankfully God keeps providing. It’s a tough life, this paid life, at least somethings should come freely, don’t you think so too? I’m not complaining though, so long as God keeps protecting me.

I have gotten bolder, the few fears I had before I got into this year have all been banished, I took the bull by the horn, I went through the valleys, specifically looking for the Valley of the Shadow of Death; usually the steepest, and God still pulled me through triumphant, we’re good like that!

I’m heading into this new year feeling alright, I still dance around naked in my house, I still laugh at funny videos on Instagram, I do anything it is that keeps me happy, I still love food. Most importantly, I’m heading into this new year with the right people, the right support system and the right environment.

If I don’t stop myself, I could keep typing on and on. My guess is that you can feel my energy, enthusiasm and vigour through these words, that’s how happy I am. No more, no less. Happiness, not dependent on anybody, happiness totally owned and controlled by me. Forget all those things about peers and mates, no one is my mate, I learnt that a long time ago and it has helped me greatly, growing at my own pace, walking in my own lane, nothing can possibly go wrong with that yeah? Twenty-three sure can’t wait to have me. Damn, I’m really getting old. Finally changed the wineskin.

Stay True!

Miracle Roch