Odd Miracle

I haven’t written in a long while. I guess that’s because I needed a reality check. I needed something sinister to flush away the perfect sweet world I imagine my life to be whenever I hold a pen. I needed to remind myself of how all is not well. How heavy my task is, how unusual my path is, how rare my kind is.
I’m just 20. How come I’ve been through all the motions already? Why can’t I just have it like every other person? My attention is been brought to Odd Thomas, the fictional character created by Dean Koontz whose superpowers made it extremely difficult for him to be fully integrated into the society. The irony being that those superpowers were never used by Odd Thomas for his own personal gain, yet those he used the powers to save and protect still ridiculed him. This life eh!
Call me Odd Thomas and you wouldn’t be far away from the truth. My life isn’t all full of roses no matter how rosy it may seem from the outside. Oh! That is even wrong as I have also found out that it doesn’t look rosy at all from the outside. I think what you see are thorns finely crafted to cuckold.
Whilst Odd Thomas had Penny to love and stand by him despite all his awkwardness, I don’t have that kind of telepathic understanding with anyone but me. So while Odd Thomas had the luxury of forgetting about all the cruel things society had said about him all because of one sweet kiss from Penny, I’m having to rather imagine that kind of soothing kiss in my head and then give it to myself by myself; with a pat on the back of course.
Now, I must make something clear here. I absolutely don’t deserve any form braggadocio from life or the people in it. I even feel the little I have been able to experience is a rare privilege so akin to my kind of specie. I’m not better than the least honorable person in your life right now; is there someone you probably feel doesn’t deserve the simple gift of life because of how horrific that person is? I can assure you that that person certainly deserves more goodness than me. My horrible heights are unmatched. I can only be afraid of the future; at 20, I’m already unrivalled in terms of horribleness. What would then become of me in prospect? Is there even any hope for this young man?
I must also say that I absolutely have no desire to be loved. I have no desire to be acceptable. I have no desire to appear good. All I want is to remain behind the spotlight whilst doing the little good I can yet do to make you better even without any accolade or glory. The aim is to do good without creating an avenue for reward, because the very life that I live is a reward in itself.
Hey you reading this, when next you see me; don’t show any form of sympathy for me. This is my life’s cross, I must bear it and alone must I bear. Just like Madonna told Argentina not to cry for her; I implore you not to cry for me. Truth is I never wanted any of this, I don’t even deserve any of this. The very life that I live is a combat against life itself. It never wanted me here, but I have fought my way through to rise to the very top of my anomalistic tendencies.
I don’t want to be relevant, I just want to be influential. If I can be able to influence you to do any form of good without you crediting me for it, then I have done a good job. I am happy that not many people remember my acts of kindness, I am happy that not many remember me for good. It makes my job easier. It makes being the villain my default.
I am consoled by the fact that John Pierpont did not die a failure. I am consoled in the fact that all his accolade came after his death. I am consoled by the fact that he died thinking he had failed, not alluding any good work to his name. Luckily, humanity still stands for people like me. So for the day that I die, cry for me. Mourn me for I will be no more. Mourn me for I will have mourned myself too. I mourned myself every single day. Cry for joy because this piece of baggage will be no more. Mourn me because there will be no one for you to use as a willing scape goat for your blunders.
Humanity won’t record another me, not for at least a thousand years. I understand that people like me come once in two thousand years. For there has been only one me so far, and even that One was crucified for bearing too much that humanity couldn’t handle. (I’m not talking about Jesus the Christ, I talk about Jesus the Man). I hope mine is more honorable.
Till immortality swallows mortality…

Stay True!

– Miracle Roch.

August 30…my Birth Date

It’s my birthday today (August 30) and as usual with other birthdays, I start off sad. I look back and there’s always the “more I could have done” and the “little I did”. It’s slowly becoming a vicious cycle. When will I start doing “more” and ditching “less”. Chill, I’m disappointed with myself, it’s very difficult to assess the level of growth I have undergone, I have certainly grown, I’ve become more of a man, I could pinpoint a few things but that isn’t all I’m about. Life has no space for the “few” men. Can I do more? Can I make more? Can I move more? Can I grow more? Call it the “MORE REVOLUTION”, I’m made of more, I can do more, I’ve gotta start doing more.
Can I grab the big chances? Can I sway at the top? I’m trying to vividly remember the events that surrounded my last birthday, are the problems still persisting? Or I’d rather start with what has changed so far.
I won’t pretend seeing my picture as people’s display picture doesn’t mean anything, they do mean something truly but I’m not fazed by them. For me, I’ve gotten the best gift I want…assurances of love and care from the people (or person) that are (is) in my life right now.
So Luke 2:52, a scripture I’ve known for over 7 years now has featured prominently today. I will grow in wisdom, in stature and in favour with God and with Man. Right now, I’ll be revealing deep things about me in the ensuing paragraphs.
Let’s look at growing in wisdom. Truth is, everyone that knows me or have come in contact with me all have one common thing to say; they always attest to my exceptional brainpower, everyone keep saying I’m brilliant, I’m smart, intelligent and all that. That could be because I know way too much for a 20 year old. Right from when I was a kid, I’ve always known far above what I should know, when I talk, it’s so evident in my speeches that I’m not your average guy. I hate being average, I hate been normal, I hate blending with the crowd, but you know the truth? I’ve always asked myself if all these things I know are the true definition of wisdom. I know I know too much but it doesn’t feel like it at all. I see myself as some guy who fortune doesn’t smile on, a lad who has had to work too hard for even the littlest of things. I see those things others call exceptional knowledge as normal things, so here’s what I’m gonna do differently this time around…I’m going to know more. I will keep seeking after knowledge till I’m weary and yet I won’t stop until I discover something unprecedented and ground-breaking, then can I rest on my oars and bask in the euphoria of knowledge.
Let’s take a look at growing in stature. If I’ve got one “selling point”, it’s got to be my height. I’m way too tall, I’ve always been lazy about having a prolonged gym session to bulk up my muscles and body mass, maybe this is the time I finally get up and do some real exercise. Adding a little body mass with the abs and all that wouldn’t be harmful, will it?
In favour with God. Without God I’m really nothing. He’s my all. So there’s gotta be a deepened walk with Him, there’s gotta be more revelations, prolonged encounters, productivity, and all there is. My heart gonna keep longing, keep chasing after you.
Ahem! This is where work needs to be done, favour with men. How do you get favour from men without compromising what you believe in, especially when what you believe in isn’t what the general public believes in? That’s going to be the major question I’d look to answer at this stage of my life. How to love people and just love them without being logical about it, how to be just me and ensure that that me is me enough for everybody and every situation.
A big shoutout to my mom…that little kid they told you to kill back then is 20 now. If you had killed me then, no one would have questioned you but you persisted…I love you.

That should be that about that.

Stay True!

Miracle Roch
Follow me on Twitter @Mr_GudMan

I have found Love

What on earth will make her mad at me?
What haven’t I done to her?
Think about the cruelest thing save physical assault…
I’ve ignored, neglected, made her cry, made her look like a fool
But she still keeps loving…
Never losing her temper…
Always sacrificing…
Thought this kinda thing was only found in the movies
She has proven it to be real…
Real love could be real!

She surely has taken a clue from Jesus Christ…
If only everyone could love like that…
This is love born not out of good looks…
Not out of riches…
Not out of romantic words…
Not out of actions…
Because there have been long periods of inactivity…
But this is love born out of love…
Born out of an innermost expression of the heart…
…to love and let love

How bad I feel when I think of myself undeserving of this love…
But I take pride in my strengths..
And I have concluded that Mother Nature has shined her luck on me…
I am reaping where I did not entirely sow…

Imagine heights we would have reached if I haven’t been complacent…
I haven’t shown it baby!
But you far more valuable than Ruby!
I have been shabby…
But deep down my heart…
There’s a beat inclined towards one…
One special person who I will always love…
Even when I act crazy…my heart will always beat
For you it will beat…

I have found you!
My undeserving self has grabbed you!

And I take pride in saying…
Because I have found thee…
I have found love!

love

The Official Adult

The little exposure began at age 7.
The harrowing experience of life began at age 5.
The understanding came at age 4.
Life has been lived with the mindset of looking up above…
Life has become better when on its own without encroachment.
This mindset has been stamped ab initio.
Nothing could be done about it.
But just as the Biblical Paul said; “it is time to do away with childish things”.
What makes money different from mere paper is the fact that it has officially been recognised as a legal tender.
In as much as early experiences forced me to live out my childhood as an adult, I still hadnt become an adult when it had to do with the society.
But now; there’s an epiphany.
I have become an official adult.
It’s time to personalize…
It is worth noting that the adult stage is the last stage of life.
At age 120; one is still an adult.
At age 50; one is still an adult.
At age 18; one is an adult still.
This is no time to be scrappy about things.
This is the time to ensure that all that glitters become gold.
This is no time to place round pegs in square holes.
This is time to ensure perfection even unto the smallest of details.
This is time to make all those experiences count.
This is time to make use of all those moral lessons.
This is no time to give my woman cause for regret.
This is time to show that a creature can never be bigger than the creator…not out of incapacitance but out of respect for the kindness of the creeator.
This time for to assume full responsibility for even the minutest of actions.
The English Dictionary associates the word adult with maturity and development.
It’s time to show maturity.it’s time to tackle life’s daunting task head on without fear but with courage.
Determination shouldnt be lacking.
The four way rule must be strictly adhred to. Talk only when neccessary.
Mother nature shines her luck on everybody but providence sustains a few. Always be positive; there’s always light at the end of a tunnel.
Forget about earthly pleasures, they profit nothing but rust!
Focus on that which is eternal – it makes you urgent.
Place your heart on that which iss above.
Always try to make peoplle impressed with your actions.
Yes, you musnt pretend before people like you.
*****
it is not in writing.
A verb is called a verb because it is a doing word…
Let this be the verb that completes all your sentences in life.

Practicalize it!

Me, Love & Us

It has taken me almost 10 days (since my 18th Birthday) to write down few of life’s journeys I have experienced on my way to becoming an officially recognised adult. I will have to start with the path I have taken in respect to the hugely unpopular word love.
I was born with what would probably be termed a silver coated spoon. I had been drawn into the fiasco of existence at a time when my existence had been so eagerly awaited.
I was drawn between two parents who both didn’t want to pamper me as an only child but also wanted to give me the best life could offer. Thing is; one parent was lazy while the other was extremely hardworking. Both were prepared to give me the best but only one was prepared to go the extra mile while laziness couldn’t allow the other.
And that was how the very first idea of love came into my subconscious based on the scenes I had witnessed with my both parents.
The gory experiences of my childhood afforded me no opportunity to allow frivolities creep into my activities, I always wanted results for my actions and I always placed a huge sense of responsibilities on myself.
I was always an example; every parent wanted their children to be like me. Intelligent, plumpy (mainly due to the turkey & 50cl Pepsi I regularly gulped), respectful; I attained all these attributes before I clocked age 4. As at age 5, I was already trying to recite the chapter 6 of Ephesians. My parents loved the way I turned out to be, of course! It is the joy of every parent to see their offspring behave well.
Everyone in my neighbourhood loved me. Even the hostile streets of Lagos paid homage to me!
My religious background had brought me close to God; my relationship with him has kept me closer to him.

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I have lived with the notion that despite the fact that I yearned for someone to emotionally get involved with; people were not to be trusted. Having a female friend was a sin; I erroneously presumed but I still yearned for It. I wanted someone that’d be the sister I never had! I yearned, even lusted sometimes but the Holy Spirit kept restraining me. My being in an enlightened school like Federal Government College Enugu gave me an opportunity to stand on my beliefs. I stood on Christ but not firmly. I was like a Sprite drink mixed with water – from afar It still looks pure. Thank God for his undying love; He kept me, saw me through all my struggles to know Him more.
God gave me my third experience with love. From him; I began to shape my mind into what an ideal love scene should be.
I came across some wonderful & unique set of people; my life’s story can never be complete without talking about them. God bless that young man whose persistence paid off when I finally followed him to FECA Enugu. They started a new chapter in my life; I had to wipe out a few things at first in order to flow with them. They added real value to my life; their patterns glided with those I had since given up hope on!
They introduced me to another kinda love that would entail AFFECTION . I had been too spiritual to even give a hoot about the next person’s emotions.

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Then came social networks; an opportunity to interact with people my secluded life didn’t afford me the chance to. FECA had already thought me affection, FECA already taught me to listen to people’s needs first. And so I listened to people tell me their story online. It was easy for them to pour out their hearts to someone they couldn’t see. I listened to a wide range of people but one of them stood out. Her name was. Alpha (not real names), from my discussions, I had discovered that beneath the smiles that clouded people’s faces were packs of problems – problems looking for someone to hear them out – I developed an interest for Alpha not knowing she had since developed one for me. All I wanted was her well being; I was able to make her stop some of the nasty things she did, how? Even when I didn’t get to meet her in person. I did it by instilling trust. She would cry on the phone for long telling me about the gory things she had done that day; she felt so secured with me. We loved each other; and there was never a mention of sex or relationship. It was one of those kinda love a guy would develop towards his kid sister.
With Alpha, I learnt TRUST.

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I had barely been on BBM for one week when my “caring” attitude brought me to Beta (not real names). Ab initio, it was evident the kinda relationship she wanted; I already knew she was gonna be a distraction. She said I was always ready to pay attention and do the listening. I wasn’t ready for what she wanted; I delayed cutting it off because of her incessant cries of how she loved me. It was during this period that I discovered my own love language which was EXPRESSION. She didn’t express her “love” fully, I wasn’t impressed as she really didn’t get to me but she kept pushing on. My prolonged periods of silence didn’t even deter her. I learnt passion from her.
Beta taught me PASSION.

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I cried, Lord please forgive me. I will never do this again; many times I have wronged my master and he has always forgiven me. He has never judged me based on my wrongdoings. He says it’s because He loves me. Hmmm, this kinda love must be divine, you can imagine; He even gave me His own spirit to make sure I don’t fall again. All these He did because He loved me, all these He also did because he Loves me and He says He’ll love me till the end. The Holy Spirit has been an ever present in my life; he hasn’t been found missing even when I derail. I spend most of my time alone – with Him. He has epitomised love. Now I clearly understand what I saw many years ago – God is love. His Spirit is love. Jesus is love.

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All these experiences have turned me into the perfect love giver and have shaped my love life. I’m slowly becoming what God wants me to be all because the essential element – love – isn’t missing BUT there was a lacuna.

Thank you.

Me, My blog & I

Alright! My name is Miracle, friends call me Mr. Gudboi. Now, the name signifies a lotta things and since most of the things I do revolve around the name; it is pertinent that I let you in. I’m called a “Good” lad because; first and formost I’m a born again christian and live by the precepts of God Almighty so I don’t engage in contraband stuffs so that was how the “good” came about. I’m called a “boy” because based on my age; I’m a young lad (but an official adult anyways). There’s a “Mr.” Because my thought pattern and life experiences makes me think/talk like an 80 year old man.

I’m a student of the University of Nigeria Nsukka. Currently studying Physics/Astronomy. I hope to profer solution to the global warming crisis and stop the vulnerability of our ozone layer.

The opinions presented here are mine and mine alone. Do well to be well versed in what I drop here as they are both a collection of what life has taught and what God lays on my heart.

Muçhás Gràçíás.