Many years ago when I was younger, I always got mildly irritated whenever the “why do men cheat” question got raised. I always felt it was a rather vague question akin to asking why there was a God and what He was made of. My reason being that there was no systematic pattern or physiological attribute consistent among cheaters. Back then, my retort to the question always blamed cheating on the values of the man in point and not men in general and argued that cheating should be looked at individually case-by-case rather than rope all men. Assymetrical generalisation, I called it.
I have come here to state categorically that I was wrong then, cheating has nothing to do with a lack of values. I used to tell people that I will never cheat as it wasn’t something to be found in my paradigm, I likened cheating in relationships to cheating in business and exam hall. I had stated that if you don’t do the last two, there was no way you would be found wanting in the former. How wrong I have been.
My eyes have been opened to ordeals of many a girl whose heart have been broken by adulterous men. Moving on to my prognosis; it is naturally inborne for the male specie to want more especially when sexual hormones are involved. There is something in a man that by default wants to experiment. Every man is born with it.
I used to liken cheating to discipline before. Show me a man who doesn’t keep to his word, and I will show you a man with the tendency to cheat. I would go on and on about how a disciplined man who keeps to his word, wouldn’t cheat. I saw cheating as a renege on your word to your spouse or partner. Yes, forgive my days of ignorance when I felt cheating was just like the other things. What did I know?
The first step to solving the menace of cheating is to first agree that you came with a desire for more – not necessarily better but more. The next step is to learn how to tame that desire, but how do you tame something you have not acknowledged.
Why do men cheat? Men cheat because they are wired to cheat. This may be controversial among the conservative folks reading this, make no mistake about it as I am a Rightist myself. However, the truth has to be told.
I have seen very few phenomenon as global and consistent as Cheating. Anywhere you go to, from the newlyweds in London to the Centennial couple in Italy to the celebrity girl in Australia to the Pastor in Nigeria, the same underlying tone of desiring pleasure outside your confines persist rather obdurately.
Cheating cuts across race, it is the reason why we have people of mixed races. The White Masters were able to see beneath the impoverish lives of slaves, among the hellish strokes, tasks and chants of supremacy, they were not able to resist their organs from getting aroused by the perky breasts of slave girls. They tried so hard to resist the urge, they turned to white girls, but the body always want what it wants.
Alas, the White Master was getting in bed with the dirty slave girl. Testosterone must have been sent by the gods as Karma, or so they thought (In hindsight, it’s a good thing, it is why we have people like Jesse Owens, Thurgood Marshall and Obama today).
What usually happens prior cheating is that people become shocked at their reaction to glimpses of external pleasure, and while still in that state of shock they fall into the temptation. Once you’re in, forget it, you’re in. I cannot help but wonder what the outcome would have been if the orientation were a little different.
The next generation of men should be taught to embrace their yearnings for more bites off the pie, they shouldn’t be in denial — that’s the first step to victory. They should be taught to look beyond the physical realms when making a decision on whom to love, stay and be with.
The thing with cheating isn’t that you see something (or someone) better, it’s all in the need to fulfil the quest for exploration. We must teach the next generation that not all OPLs lead to OMLs*. They must be taught that there is safety in ignorance, that not all gained knowledge is expedient, especially when it comes to matters of the nerve.
Cheating is not an anomaly, they should know that. The eviscerating power of that knowledge is deep enough to deny their indulgences. Cheating will continue, so long as the objectification of women continue.
Lest I forget, women also cheat. But theirs is fickle, they do it for material gains. For the men, there is no logical reason (most times). For the women, it can always be attributed to some logical reason, hence there’s a solution for them which is why I have not spent any time offering solutions to them.
But for the men, how do you begin to crack a menace that has plagued generations before you. Cheating isn’t only limited to sexual activities. I am tempted to define cheating as even bearing the thought of being with someone else, but I know all hell will be let loose as most, if not all, men must have harboured such thoughts at one stage or the other.
The key to cracking this problem is to look at successful examples, but like the Holy Book says; a faithful man, who can find?
All men cheat, but some tame their tendencies before it blossoms. The only difference. And taming that tendency isn’t something you wake up one morning and decide to do. Most often that not, you need external help to tame.