Men are Polygamous

Many years ago when I was younger, I always got mildly irritated whenever the “why do men cheat” question got raised. I always felt it was a rather vague question akin to asking why there was a God and what He was made of. My reason being that there was no systematic pattern or physiological attribute consistent among cheaters. Back then, my retort to the question always blamed cheating on the values of the man in point and not men in general and argued that cheating should be looked at individually case-by-case rather than rope all men. Assymetrical generalisation, I called it.

I have come here to state categorically that I was wrong then, cheating has nothing to do with a lack of values. I used to tell people that I will never cheat as it wasn’t something to be found in my paradigm, I likened cheating in relationships to cheating in business and exam hall. I had stated that if you don’t do the last two, there was no way you would be found wanting in the former. How wrong I have been.

My eyes have been opened to ordeals of many a girl whose heart have been broken by adulterous men. Moving on to my prognosis; it is naturally inborne for the male specie to want more especially when sexual hormones are involved. There is something in a man that by default wants to experiment. Every man is born with it.

I used to liken cheating to discipline before. Show me a man who doesn’t keep to his word, and I will show you a man with the tendency to cheat. I would go on and on about how a disciplined man who keeps to his word, wouldn’t cheat. I saw cheating as a renege on your word to your spouse or partner. Yes, forgive my days of ignorance when I felt cheating was just like the other things. What did I know?

The first step to solving the menace of cheating is to first agree that you came with a desire for more – not necessarily better but more. The next step is to learn how to tame that desire, but how do you tame something you have not acknowledged.

Why do men cheat? Men cheat because they are wired to cheat. This may be controversial among the conservative folks reading this, make no mistake about it as I am a Rightist myself. However, the truth has to be told.

I have seen very few phenomenon as global and consistent as Cheating. Anywhere you go to, from the newlyweds in London to the Centennial couple in Italy to the celebrity girl in Australia to the Pastor in Nigeria, the same underlying tone of desiring pleasure outside your confines persist rather obdurately.

Cheating cuts across race, it is the reason why we have people of mixed races. The White Masters were able to see beneath the impoverish lives of slaves, among the hellish strokes, tasks and chants of supremacy, they were not able to resist their organs from getting aroused by the perky breasts of slave girls. They tried so hard to resist the urge, they turned to white girls, but the body always want what it wants.

Alas, the White Master was getting in bed with the dirty slave girl. Testosterone must have been sent by the gods as Karma, or so they thought (In hindsight, it’s a good thing, it is why we have people like Jesse Owens, Thurgood Marshall and Obama today).

What usually happens prior cheating is that people become shocked at their reaction to glimpses of external pleasure, and while still in that state of shock they fall into the temptation. Once you’re in, forget it, you’re in. I cannot help but wonder what the outcome would have been if the orientation were a little different.

The next generation of men should be taught to embrace their yearnings for more bites off the pie, they shouldn’t be in denial — that’s the first step to victory. They should be taught to look beyond the physical realms when making a decision on whom to love, stay and be with.

The thing with cheating isn’t that you see something (or someone) better, it’s all in the need to fulfil the quest for exploration. We must teach the next generation that not all OPLs lead to OMLs*. They must be taught that there is safety in ignorance, that not all gained knowledge is expedient, especially when it comes to matters of the nerve.

Cheating is not an anomaly, they should know that. The eviscerating power of that knowledge is deep enough to deny their indulgences. Cheating will continue, so long as the objectification of women continue.

Lest I forget, women also cheat. But theirs is fickle, they do it for material gains. For the men, there is no logical reason (most times). For the women, it can always be attributed to some logical reason, hence there’s a solution for them which is why I have not spent any time offering solutions to them.

But for the men, how do you begin to crack a menace that has plagued generations before you. Cheating isn’t only limited to sexual activities. I am tempted to define cheating as even bearing the thought of being with someone else, but I know all hell will be let loose as most, if not all, men must have harboured such thoughts at one stage or the other.

The key to cracking this problem is to look at successful examples, but like the Holy Book says; a faithful man, who can find?

All men cheat, but some tame their tendencies before it blossoms. The only difference. And taming that tendency isn’t something you wake up one morning and decide to do. Most often that not, you need external help to tame.

Stay True!

Miracle Roch

I used to Love a Girl

What is not Love?

I used to like a girl, like really really love her. And this isn’t fiction. This is a true story, my story.

I loved this girl so much, we were so in to ourselves. We spent almost every day on the phone, we would talk about several cool stuffs, share dreams, pray together and all that stuff. She lived very faraway from me but we didn’t even let the distance come between us.

Back then, I sincerely thought I was gon’ marry her, I even visualised what our kids would look like, we would have arguments about how many boys/girls we both wanted and struggle to pick their career choices. It felt so cool, Telemundo had nothing on us.

She was very beautiful. The first time I saw her, I was convinced she was the most beautiful person I’d ever seen. On the spot, I knew I was gon’ go after her, I did and got her via the Friend-zone first. Back then, I could swear it was love. It felt so good.

You know, as I write this, I feel nostalgic. I’m struggling to remember what happened, but we don’t talk anymore.
No, we didn’t fight, no quarrels, no misunderstanding, nothing of that sort. We just stopped talking. I just woke up one morning and decided, not to talk anymore.

In hindsight, I can say that was not love at all. Love doesn’t stop talking. It’s just so funny how looking back then, I can see how stupid we both were. We wasted precious time on nothing. You know, we went one whole year without communication at some point (I even think I blogged about her once here, search through my archives from 4 years ago, I’ve blogged about a ton of girls sha).

Then one day, I picked up the phone and called her. And we resumed like it was nothing, I mean, after one whole year without talking, we were back on our rhythm. That must have been some supernatural feat yeah? So it felt like it was destined to be.

But, don’t be deceived. That was not love. That can’t even pass as infatuation. That’s stupidity. You know, it’s funny because I can almost remember the motions my tender heart went through then, I look at her now and she’s thrice as beautiful as she was then, yet my pulses aren’t being set on fire. Did the love disappear? Haha. This happened several years ago.

In between the years that this happened, I still did not learn my lesson. Of course, someone else did come take her place, which brings me to another question. How strong does love need to be, before it becomes irreplaceable?

One of the reasons why I’m writing this post is because there’s someone in my life bugging me. Like she calls me every time, and because I’m trying to be polite, I haven’t told her off yet. So I was wondering, does this young girl think she’s in love? And maybe she feels love is reflected in how much airtime you burn calling the person, I laugh.

I want to tell her, I’ve done this thing before, and that it wasn’t love, but I don’t want to crush the young girl’s heart, I will let time teach her, just as maturity taught me.

Another reason why I’m writing this is because of Charlie Puth’s song “We don’t talk anymore” and Lauryn Hill’s “I Used to Love Him”. After listening to that song, I kept wondering, why would people who talk regularly stop talking at all? And then I remembered this story.

This story is the same reason I’ve stayed away from this thing you guys call love, Love is not child’s play. Love is nothing close to all that stuff you guys see on the internet. Love is personal. Love is matured. It’s not something anyone should jump into. Until I find out what love is, I’m so not jumping into that ship.

But what is not love?
– Love is not long hours on the phone
– Love is not the curves or fine face or abs
– Love is not the feeling
– Love is not the butterfly in your stomach
– Love is not “do-this-for-me-I’d-do-this-for-you”
– Love is not recharge card
– Love is not Display/Profile Picture
– Love is not romantic status messages
– Love is not MCM/WCW
– Love is not money
– Love is not swag
Yeah, eleven things love isn’t.

Oh! Did I forget to mention we were upcoming grown-ups then? We are all grown-ups now and we laugh about our stupidity back then, no strings attached, we’ve both moved on, no enmity created. We’re cool. But that was not love.

This is not a true story :p

Stay True!

Miracle Roch

Relationship Lessons

Ok, so my guess is you’ve been in a relationship for too long and you are already getting disgruntled. You have gotten overtaken by jealousy, even wondering if you are still in love, picking out faults from the boo, getting irritated and evens shocked at your actions. Calm down, it’s all natural. A relationship isn’t rocket science, it’s systematic, you have to work, it isn’t something that just springs out of the blues begins to make sense. I’m gonna be dropping a few things here to help you before you capsize your relationSHIP.

  • Never use the word “think” carelessly. They always want to be sure you know what you’re talking about. When you say “I think I love you”, you are sure to hear them exclaim “think!” No one wants to stay with someone who sees them as just a thought. They want to be overly sure.
  • It’s normal for you to wait for them. Don’t get agitated when you have a function to attend with the boo and you end up waiting for over 30 minutes. It’s inborn in them to always pay attention to the smallest detail whenever they have to go out so chill, it’s nothing personal.
  • Others guys will make passes. The fact that you see them with other guys doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t see you as priority. If the boo is very pretty, you don’t expect other guys not to see the same gorgeousness you saw. It doesn’t mean the boo doesn’t see you as priority or anything but then you need to understand she’s got a life that doesn’t need to revolve only around you. Actually, getting to talk to these other guys improves your worth.
  • Her whole time isn’t for you. Dude! She had a life way before she met you, you don’t expect her life to suddenly come to a halt and experience a U-turn just because you came around, truth remains her life is paramount and comes first before any other’s.
  • She mustn’t tell you everything. Never ever judge her love for you based on what she says. So don’t feel short-changed because you feel she doesn’t say too many things with her mouth.
  • You must adulate her. Truth is, 80% of her dress choice is influenced by you, she wants to look good for you, it’s gon’ be cruel if after going through the stress, she doesn’t get a word of approval from you. Always tell her how good she is looking, and on days when she isn’t looking good, find a way to subtly tell her.
  • Don’t try to impress her. Never try to do anything that will impress her, she loved you with all your rustiness and raggedness, what makes you think she would appreciated a better you? Be who you are, don’t try to do too much as you could spoil her installed prototype of you.
  • She mustn’t return you call. Yes! You called her, she didn’t pick, after sometime you call again only to realise she’s on the phone with some other person. Calm down, it’s nothing to be worried about, you have been leveraged. The fact she didn’t call don’t mean she don’t love you.
  • Don’t ask her too many probing questions. With time, she’ll get to tell you all the things you need to know about her and yes! You don’t even need to know everything. Don’t be too fast and ask her about the boy you saw her with, the girl you saw her with and stuff. They like it when you don’t because eventually, they will.
  • Trust her even against the odds. Yes, you’ve made a decision to love her and you probably had other choices yet you chose her. Stick with her even when the odds are stacked against trusting her, believe in her judgement, and believe in her actions. In the long run, it will pay off.
  • Tell her things when you need to. Whenever there is a rising need to talk to her, don’t form hard man about it. Nothing weak in seemingly telling someone you love something you think you need to.
  • Never hesitate to let her know how you feel. Oh! she just said something you didn’t like, don’t bottle it, she needs to know what it is you dint like, not telling her isn’t gonna help matters.
  • She’s always right. You have to be ready to be the one apologizing all the time, even when you shouldn’t. You have to make her feel alright and in charge whenever she’s around you that way she develops a security around you. Never ever argue with her, don’t even imagine it, you’ll always end up on the losing side.
  • Love her. Adore her. Love her. Ain’t nothing like been with the woman you love. Love really trumps all the other nitty gritties. Love does. Even when your back is against the wall, keep loving.
  • She won’t tell you. But whenever a need arises, make do to settle it especially when you have the resources to do so.
  • Love isn’t enough. There is no doubting that fact you genuinely love her, yes you do but you need more than love to make it work. You need firm decisions, you need someone you submit too, submission is key. Love is just one facet out of many things you need for a relationship to work.

Apply these things and soon you’d be seeing the boo these days with tons of guys and it wouldn’t get you worried, you wouldn’t even take it for a pinch of salt. Your love for her is there. Her actions don’t affect it. You’d love her not because she pays more attention to you, not because she calls you sweet name but simply because she is who she is. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

Stay True!

 

Miracle Roch.

Follow me on Twitter @Mr_GudMan

Romantic Love

Ok, let’s talk about a little romance. A little kissing, a little touching, a little talking, a little this, a little that. Should we talk about someone that’s been introduced to these things lately and has been grappling with them? Someone who doesn’t know where to draw the line, doesn’t even know if there’s any line at all. Should we in our usual way, try to talk about this situation without giving hard and fast rules?
How about we talk about how far you should go when you’re in a relationship with someone you really love and who loves you back. The fact that you both love yourselves, should that be a criteria to go all the way?
If we continue this way, we may end up not talking about anything at all but that wouldn’t hinder this page from being full. I think we should talk about romance, we should talk about love from the perspective of a Christian. Why is there so much fuss generated whenever a Christian is involved in some lovey-dovey? Why are people quick to judge whenever a Christian goes out with another?
So romance they say is an addiction, they say you should fall in love first then romance naturally comes into play. They tell you to find a good Christian girl when it’s time to marry but they never tell you to find a good Christian girl when it’s time to fall in love. Your heart just follows the tide and most often than not, because you haven’t fallen in love with a “good Christian girl”, you find a reason to break up with whom you actually love and begin the search for a good Christian girl. Good luck with that search as you’d need it.
You know sometimes I feel God utmost desire is for us His children to become romantically involved with the opposite sex, for us to be in love with the opposite sex. That’s probably part of the reason why he had to create Eve for Adam. Eve wasn’t just a helper, Eve was someone Adam could channel some inborn drive towards, that’s why most of the love gestures should come from the male. It’s inborn. By channelling this inborn drive towards a woman, towards Eve, Adam begins to really discover what it is about God that has made Him go all through all he has just for us. But then I feel God looks down, he sees how blinded his children have been about the concept of love and shakes his head. Love is a beautiful thing, yes, I mean that kinda love that makes your heart skip a beat, that kind that makes you want to spend your last dime on her, that kind that makes you think about her all the time, which makes you want to be with her all the time. Brother, it’s not a sin, it’s not wrong either to feel these things long before marriage. By feeling like this and learning to channel these feelings rightly, you begin to know more of God. This is no fallacy, take note. These feelings aren’t worth wasting just 5 minutes of adrenalin rush into sex, these feelings are worth more precious time, these feelings are worth more, these feelings make you do things that will leave an impact, these feelings are magical, these feelings are inexplicable.
You love somebody and you’re really sure it’s love? Boy make that first move, let her know, there’s nothing wrong in telling her you don’t even know what to do next, there’s nothing wrong in telling her you were nervous about making your feelings known, there’s nothing wrong in telling her how she makes you feel. Nothing absolutely wrong. Let the feelings flow, let the romance begin and see how you react to it, see how you battle with your being, see how loves overtakes you, see how love turns you into a motivational speaker, see how it turns you into a better man, be prepared to also see it bring out the beast in you but then calmly controls that beast to unleash the angel inherent in you too. It could go sour if you don’t channel that romance into the right tunnel, it could go wrong if it wasn’t love at first but if it was love…love never goes wrong, love never does wrong, love never “nevers”.
Love someone from the opposite sex, you’ll feel good, you’ll discover new things, you’ll get to understand love better. Love is so powerful that it can make you do things you wouldn’t ordinarily do.
I’m not resting my case yet.

Stay True!

Miracle Roch
Follow me on Twitter @Mr_GudMan

What Did He Choose?

Ok, so there’s a young chap who has just met someone who is slowly beginning to look like she’s the “love of his life” and as you’d expect, the young chap is happy. So they decide to meet on a random day and as you’d expect, this young man is excited about this meeting. There’s probably something this pretty angel’s face does to him so he longs to behold it all the time if that were possible. He didn’t even think twice about it, he cancelled all his plans for that day, nothing was gonna be worth more than a time with the one who makes him feel some type of way. So he sets off, goes with a book he plans to read while waiting, as you’d expect, he was there way before time. An hour, no one shows up, the lover boy tries so hard to concentrate on his book, no way. So he decides to examine his life, who the hell is the girl that’s making me feel this way. What’s it about her that has won me completely over. He tries to find an answer, searches deep but finds nothing. Well, that was the answer he was looking for, love as it were isn’t explainable, and you can’t explain that of feeling, if he had gotten an answer then something must have gone wrong. Love is magical, not decipherable.
So, this young man has stayed for like 3 hours and he trying so hard not to lose his patience, ah! This girl doesn’t see me as priority o, this girl doesn’t love me as much, the devil slowly beginning to bring all those kinda thoughts into his heart, he remembers a girl who wanted to see him today who he had told he wasn’t gonna be available. He thinks about telling the girl to come around, something in him says no! He considers going to see another one of them, something in him again say no!! So what could the problem be, I’m just trying to make sure my day isn’t wasted, what’s wrong in seeing someone else, the young man desperately battles with his mind, no there was no leeway? So he decides to try something different. He sits down on a chair, sees how blessed he is to have such an angel in his life, how he was totally undeserving of this chance. But the young man isn’t used to being stood up, on the other hand, he stands lots of girls up. And here’s one making him look so inept. One making him look so clumsy. That was another confirmation he needed to confirm this was truly love.
So he was done, he was convinced she was the one. Now was time to show he was the man here, so he makes up his mind not to reply her message for the whole of that day, he wasn’t going to talk to her till the next day, he was going to tell her to her face; “I want to be priority baby, I love you, yes I do but don’t ever treat me that way again pls”, he was even going to say more. The young lad finally decides to get up and go back home after like over 4 hours, on his way home, he receives a message from this girl, and funny enough, all his resistance is broken. He did not even consider whether to reply or not, he replied immediately, so all that resolution to be a “hard man” all out the window?! You’d be so surprised, the young lad that was walking home dejected suddenly turned into a man beaming with smiles as he made his way home all because of a message from her. He gets home looking very happy and thankful, Lord! He couldn’t believe his luck. One of the reasons why he hadn’t been in a relationship for some time was because he didn’t want to love the wrong person and see how the good Lord has sent the PERFECT person his way! You have no idea how happy that young man is feeling right now after what looked to have been a bad day. I can’t even explain and write how he feels because I don’t even know but mere looking at him, I can sense he’s in cloud nine! This is just the beginning, how would it pan out? You bet the Lord’s hand is on it so…
You see how what would have looked like a textbook bad day, a day when he was stood up turned out to be one of the best days of his life, one where he confirmed his affection, one where he confirmed he was into the real deal. Maybe I and you can learn from this young man, did we go through something bad and just because we are feeling unhappy, we have allowed our emotions override our actions. Always see that silver lining in every cloud just like this young man, as for me; I will.

Stay True!

Miracle Roch.

Follow me on Twitter @Mr_GudMan