Disclaimer: Very Satirical
I am a good luck charm. Once I get deep into your life, I get on a personal development overdrive and weighed down by the thought of my presence not adding value. I didn’t actually notice this until recently when I started analyzing. I always want to make other people better especially those I’m super close with that I end up not paying attention to the other mundane things that they want to do.
I’m like Batman in my relationships, always doing something good, always going the extra mile and rejecting all the help the other person offers because I “don’t want to stress”. I used to help one of my exes with her assignment, I’d tell her to go to sleep while I stayed up doing some term paper and project stuff for her. Was always worried about her strength not being diminished and wanted her to live the baby girl life that I did not pay attention to her other needs which at the time I considered trivial. Like wanting to play truth or dare with me, bringing up something she saw on Twitter about the Kardashians, I always batted those things away as not being intellectual. Like who the hell has time for truth or dare when there’s a being and the world to change. Haha.
I helped the other one apply for jobs, fixed up her CV and then opened a blog for her because I felt she was such an amazing writer, I think she still is. She uses that blog till today I can bet, I hope she remembers how it all came about. I imagine her being happily married in the near future with a wonderful family and while they are having this family moment, her son goes “Mommy, your blog has been around for a long time, how did it start? I’m thinking of starting one mummy”. Yoooo! You can hear my spirit picking that question through space and going all “Yas! I stay inspiring my exes and their generations forever” haha. Then I helped the other one print Labels for her business because I wanted to encourage her to start, I felt she was way too scared of failing, I just wanted her to start the business, I was going to provide all the security and help she’d need I thought. I imagine her business booming now and the first set of labels almost running out and her sitting down thinking of how to make more and she’d probably go, “OMG Miracle actually did this for me, such a sweet boy. Why didn’t we last long, I know he’s fine now sha *scrambles for my phone number*.
I always help people and now my help game has gone international! I have helped Hasan Minhaj get onto TIME’s 100 Most Influential People list of 2019 *drumroll, haters gonna hate*. I didn’t even know who Hasan Minhaj was until a few days ago when I came across a clip from Ellen Degeneres’ show and this Indian looking guy was talking about how people mis pronounce his name. I’m like, who’s the guy on Ellen? I googled his name and find out he used to be on The Daily Show. First I’m shocked because I binge on Trevor Noah and the Daily Show and never came across this guy, at least I know Roy Wood Jr, but never seen this guy. So I google this guy and look him up on Netflix. Watch a couple Patriot Act episodes and then his Netflix Standup Special, Homecoming King which inspired this post and the whole reminiscing about the exes. Boyyyyy! I spent hours watching everything with Hasan’s name attached to it on YouTube, well, everything except the an hour and a half long Time Talk video (seriously The Times, almost two hours. Smh). Hasan is super talented! One day later, Hasan gets announced as one of the people on TIME’s 100 list. Boy, I don’t care what you say but that was all me. All me, my good luck charm at work again across seven seas and oceans.
Hasan’s standup was so funny and him talking about his high school love interest and how their parents didn’t let them get together because he was Indian and she was American struck a cord with me. It was profound because the same girl ended up marrying an Indian after like 10 years. And I started thinking about how many relationships must have ended because of some flimsy excuse, if only they were patient, if only they bade their time well, too many exes would still be lovebirds now. But that shouldn’t distract you from the good luck charm I bring into my relationships, always good to leave some positive legacy even if all the other things don’t go well. Haha.