When I Die

People won’t say nice things about me and that’s fine.

Once in a while, I come across sad stories online about some good folk who has just died. People eulogize the dead and reminisce on the good memories they had and my favorite – how the world has lost a real gem. I get emotional when I come across some of these eulogies as I believe no good young person should die. It’s always disheartening coming across tales like this.

I think about what sort of legacy I’d live behind when I die. I actually don’t believe in leaving a legacy, I believe in living for the now and doing good without trying to attach your name to it. I don’t think about death, it’s one of those things I believe no one except God can control, so why lose sleep over what you can’t control. The only person I worry about in the event of death is for my mother, how will that woman cope with her only child dying in his prime? That must be such a tragic tale that no one should ever go through. It’s not something to talk about. But what happens when I actually do die whether now or in my old age?

When I die, I don’t think people will say nice things about me. As much as I like to think of myself as a nice person, I don’t think many people share that view. I’m a very direct and honest person, that doesn’t win you many fans. At first glance, people take a strong liking to me, and then the experience flows and you see how staunch and strong this guy is, those who linger for long and scratch beneath the surface also get to see the wonderful honest heart I possess. But very few people go beneath the surface, I don’t let too many people in.

So when I die, people won’t recall nice things about me. I wonder what would go through minds seeing as everyone is somewhat obligated to say only nice things about dead people. The one thing everyone would say is that I was very smart. I imagine those who want to be diplomatic will stick to my being very smart and tall, they’d steer clear from the personal stories. Some others may call me proud and arrogant while others may call it confidence. I wonder what the hearts that I may have broken inadvertently will say, good riddance or missed chance – serves him right? What about those who I never checked up on and they mistook it for my being nonchalant and uncaring? The missed calls I never returned, the messages I never replied to, the meetings and hangouts I missed. I really do wonder. Which brings me to the question, do I actually have enemies? I know I have people who envy me in private, but smile with me publicly, I don’t know who they are, can’t be bothered thinking about them. But full blown enemies? I don’t think I do have them.

I am really not doing a good job at this legacy thing. I struggle to see the nice things people will say about me and I don’t feel bad about it. Actually, I have grown to not expect any niceties from people, I get surprised when people occasionally say nice things about me apart from the now boring “he’s so smart”. My originality and affinity for honest living and doing what makes you happy must have hit home.

When I die, you don’t have to say nice things about me. If you must talk, talk about the really maverick things I did, the things that made me standout and made you take note of the new kid on the block. Don’t say I was nice, I’m rarely nice. Even the nice things I do, I do them in private that recipients rarely know its coming from me, so when you say I’m nice, you’re really just telling a lie. You can say I’m helpful but not nice.

What will people say about me when I die? Not many nice things and that’s alright.

Stay True!

Miracle Roch.

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